A Sign

sign

n.

1. Something that suggests the presence or existence of a fact, condition, or quality.

2. A portentous incident or event; a presage

I have always believed in “signs”.  I think I have to accept the fact that this is a sign. I am just not meant to be a donor and I should realize that there will be better things to happen because of this…..perhaps if I was a donor, there is always that chance of rejection (what a waste that would be), or perhaps I need to hold onto my kidney for someone else (perhaps years from now my kids may need one and with improvement of modern medicine, I will be able to do so). Whatever the reason, I have to move on and try to help Jim in other ways…….

Yesterday I spent the day at Barnes Hospital again retaking the Iothalimate Scan that determines your GRF reading (kidney function). I last did this in March which showed my kidney function was at 76%. Since then I have lost weight (which is a factor in the calculation) and had hopes that my kidney function would have improved.

Also in the afternoon I had a consultation with Dr. Vijayan, one of the kidney transplant doctors at Barnes to go over my records to evaluate me to see if I would still be able to be a potential donor. Tests results from what I had done that morning weren’t yet available, but in her opinion, since I was still on the “low-end” of the kidney function, as well as my blood pressure being extremely high while I was there, she does not feel that I would be suitable to be a donor any longer. While this is not the news I wanted to hear, she did help me realize that she is looking out for my best interest and that I will still be able to help Jim in other ways. Ever since we were told that I was a match, we thought this was going to be simple and easy. It’s been neither.

So basically, we are back to step one. He will continue to be on the UNOS transplant list, hope that they find a match, educate ourselves on the different dialysis options, and continue to look for “signs” that will help us all during this journey.

The "Jug" and the Pickle Jar

On Jim’s last doctor appointment, his kidney doctor was surprised that my kidney function was not good enough to be a donor. He asked if I was willing to have my creatinine clearance checked by doing a 24 hour urine collection. This is another way of checking kidney function.  Of course I was willing to do this. I have been very disappointed that my 76% kidney function is not good enough to be a donor.

So a few weeks ago, unbeknownst to my co-workers, I collected my urine all day at work and at home. I must say that this is not an easy task to hide a “jug” and a hat-like device to pee in, in particular when I find myself peeing 10 or more times a day. But it worked out just fine. I then strategically placed the “jug” (in a plastic bag of course) in the refrigerator hoping that no one would mistake it for apple juice!!

The other feat was getting it home from work. Getting it there was easy, but then my walk from the office to the MetroLink station was fun. My jug was now almost full. If there was anytime someone was going to mug me on the train, I was hoping now was the time. However, I did make it home safe and sound with my pee jug intact.

Since I started collecting my urine in the morning, I had to continue it until the next morning. I was quite concerned when my “jug” was full that night I went to bed. Remembering them telling me to call “all my urine” in a 24 hour period, I searched for a jar. Aha… the glass pickle jar would do.  So my collection continued and filling that pickle jar was not a problem.

The next morning I once again loaded my “jug” and pickle jar in my workbag and headed to the train. I was able to stop at the Barnes Hospital stop and deposit them my “jug” and my pickle jar with no problem.

About a week later, Jim’s doctor called to tell me that my creatinine clearance did show that I had 80% kidney function. He then advised that he was going to contact the transplant team and let them know of these results.

My thoughts…..how is it I can take 3 different tests and continue to get 3 different readings on my kidney function. I say we go with the best odds of 80%.